After 30 years of working with couples and researching how people repaired their relationships, I suddenly realized that we had really reached a pivotal moment; all our studies, stories, and the science had come together, and we were in the midst of a revolution—a new way of truly understanding romantic love. Finally we can grasp the laws of love—and they make sense!
We have cracked the code of love and have found the pathway to the relationships we long for. You can create a fulfilling, safe-haven relationship, restoring the romantic love bond, beginning now:
1. Abandon the out-of-date idea that love is something that just happens to you.
All the new science tells us that romantic love is no longer a mystery. It makes perfect sense. You can learn its laws. You have more control over this riot of emotion than you think! What you understand, you can shape. The first step is to decide to learn about love and the new science of bonding.
2. Every day, try openly reaching out to someone and
To do something well you have to like it. That idea is not exactly novel. We’ve got it down to four words: “Do what you love.” But it’s not enough just to tell people that. Doing what you love is complicated.
The very idea is foreign to what most of us learn as kids. When I was a kid, it seemed as if work and fun were opposites by definition. Life had two states: some of the time adults were making you do things, and that was called work; the rest of the time you could do what you wanted, and that was called playing. Occasionally the things adults made you do were fun, just as, occasionally, playing wasn’t—for example, if you fell and hurt yourself. But except for these few anomalous cases, work was pretty much defined as not-fun.
And it did not seem to be an accident. School, it was implied, was tedious because it was preparation for grownup work.
The world then was divided into two groups, grownups and kids. Grownups, like some kind of cursed race, had to work. Kids didn’t,
Sometimes it seems like we don’t have much control over what happens to us in life; however, while we may not be able to choose everything that happens to us, we can choose how we respond to it and we can learn to feel happier with the life we’ve got. Here are 10 ways to love your life.
We often think of happiness as something that happens to us rather than something we choose; however, according to Sonja Lyubomirsky, a psychology professor at the University of California, Riverside, only 10 per cent of our happiness depends on our life circumstances. To start loving your life, make a conscious decision to start thinking more positively. It is important to remember that while you can’t always change what happens to you, you can change how you react to it. Rather than going with your instinctive reaction, try to look for the silver lining in situations. Try creating a “happiness diary” to help you – reflecting on all the things you have to be grateful for each day.
Remember those fascinating Mills and Boon love novels, the ones we hid under our school books to read at night and the romantic movies that literally swept us off our feet with their mushy love scenes? I don’t remember the names of those novels or the movies anymore, but I sure remember how they made me feel.
Somewhere in the back of my mind they made me build a wish list of the qualities I wanted to see in my better half—the way he should be, the way he should not be, the way our life will be together and the magical ways life will turn into a fairy-tale once we are together.
But real life was a complete eye opener. It is for a lot of us who unconsciously carry these ideals (even when they scoff at it) and get into relationships disillusioned by their own beliefs and expectations. This often leads to facing a fall in the real world.
It thus comes as no surprise that, according to John Cacioppo, an expert on loneliness from the University of Chicago, roughly 20 percent of individuals—that would be 60 million people in the U.S.—feel alone and
Three people share their heartfelt stories of the compromises made for a chance at love.
When the words “sacrifice” and “love” pop up in the same sentence, it’s hard not to think back to a certain Kate Winslet and Leo DiCaprio flick … yes, Titanic. Who can forget that image of Jack and Rose clinging to each other in the icy waters near the sinking ship? Jack ultimately gave his life so that Rose could stay afloat on a flimsy board and eventually be rescued. (“Jack!” Sniff-sniff.)
While reality isn’t quite as dramatic as the flimsy-board scenario from Titanic, real-life companions do often find themselves sacrificing for a loved one. High-profile examples include Ben Affleck, who explained last year that he passed on directing Homeland at his wife’s request. Then there’s Jada Pinkett Smith, who has been open about forgoing her music career for her family. And more recently, it seems that the most public of public figures, Kim Kardashian, has even learned to sacrifice some of her exposure for her much more private beau and their new baby. (That is assuming baby North West doesn’t appear on her own reality show next week, of course.)
It’s Mother’s Day weekend, and many of us may feel the keen absence of the women who meant the most to us.
How many times have you wished you could turn back the hands of time and have one more conversation with one of the most influential women of your life? Maybe have notes of memorable anecdotes they shared?
This was one of Alysia Steele’s biggest regrets concerning her paternal grandmother, Althenia A. Burton, who died 20 years ago. Since then, the memory of her grandmother has stayed with Steele, never fading, and ultimately culminating in the conception of her current project, a book proposal, “Jewels in the Delta,” that has gained interest from publishers.
“I have a huge sense of regret that as a trained journalist I never had the foresight to get her story and I’ll never hear her voice again, and I can’t even tell you how much that hurts me,” Steele tells The Root.
Steele has interviewed about 47 women and is conducting the last of what will be a total
1. Your life won’t be different if your body is a little bit different. Everyone who loves you will love you just as much no matter how much you weigh. Besides, you don’t get a grand prize for weight loss (unless you’re on The Biggest Loser, which, thankfully, you’re not!).
2. Your time is better spent doing something other than worrying about your figure. Like having brunch with your significant other, finally crossing another book off your reading list, or finally clearing all those acid-wash jeans you thought were cool for five minutes out of your closet.
3. Food is delicious and meant to be eaten. Do you want to go through life never knowing the pleasure of a cronut (donut made of croissant dough), bruffin (brioche roll with bacon and cheese inside, and sometimes chocolate on top), a donoli (donut filled with cannoli cream), or WONUT (waffle donut)? If food allergies aren’t holding you back, of course not!
4. As long as you’re healthy, that’s all that matters. Is your health in jeopardy? Do you need to alter your weight because your doctor
Being engaged with your work may be good not only for your career, but it may be good for your health as well. New research has found that engaged workers are more likely than disengaged counterparts to lead a healthy lifestyle.
Overall, engaged workers were not only more likely to eat healthfully and exercise more frequently, but they were also more likely than disengaged counterparts to eat their fruits and vegetables.
“Engaged employees are deeply involved in and enthusiastic about their work,” said Daniela Yu and Jim Harter of Gallup, who conducted the research and wrote the report. “Those who are not engaged may be satisfied, but are not emotionally connected to their workplaces and are less likely to put in discretionary effort. Employees who are actively disengaged are emotionally disconnected from their work and workplace and jeopardize their teams’ performance.”
These findings fall in line with those of previous research, which found that engaged workers are less likely to be obese and suffer from chronic diseases. Additional research found that engaged employees were also 21 percent more likely than disengaged employees to participate in health and wellness programs that are offered by their company.
Making a career out of something you love doing may sound like a pipe dream — or, at the very least, the exception to the rule. But whoever coined the phrase “do what you love and the money will follow” may have been on to something. Numerous studies have shown that happy people tend to earn higher salaries — and it stands to reason that these high-earners are happy — at least in part — because they have jobs they love. There’s never been a better time to start looking for your dream job, either. According to a recent report by the Indeed Hiring Lab, there are just 1.7 unemployed job seekers for every open position, which means that since there are more jobs, you can spend more time looking for the right opportunity, instead of taking a job you’re not completely passionate about.
“[During] the recession … many people, especially those in less skilled occupations, were not focused on finding the right job — they were thankful just to have a job,” said Tara Sinclair, chief economist at Indeed. “Today, however, job seekers are now in the driver’s seat to search for and find a
I am writing a different kind of post today. I generally try to write practical and helpful posts around the business of art. I love to give tips that might help artists and galleries be just a little more successful. Today though, I want to step back from the business and write a short love note to art itself. I know that sounds a bit cheesy, but I’ve had occasion recently to think a little bit about my relationship to art, and I feel it is important to share a few of my thoughts. Being in the business, I sometimes find myself taking the art itself for granted, thinking of it all in terms of dollars and cents. It’s good to pause now and again to remind myself what it’s all about.
I love art. I could probably equally say, “I live art.” I spend every day of my life thinking about art, working with art, and communicating with artists and art lovers. Other than a brief stint moving furniture as a teenager, I’ve spent every working day of my life in the art industry.
Growing up with an artist father, my earliest memory is not a
In “My Name Is Lucy Barton,” Elizabeth Strout’s fifth novel, the titular narrator describes viewing a statue in New York’s Metropolitan Museum of Art. The work shows a seated man with a tortured expression clawing at his mouth as his children cling imploringly to his knees. Though Lucy doesn’t name the sculpture, she is talking about Jean-Baptiste Carpeaux’s 1860 rendering of Ugolino, an Italian nobleman who, as immortalized in Dante’s “Inferno,” was shut up with his sons and condemned to die of starvation. But Lucy’s eyes are drawn to his boys, who “only want one thing—to have their father’s distress disappear. They will allow him—oh, happily, happily—to eat them.”
The primal compulsions that bind children and their parents are the taproot of this novel, which begins at a New York hospital in the mid-1980s, where Lucy is feverishly waiting out an infection contracted after an appendectomy. Her husband is busy with their two daughters and has asked her mother, who had never before been on an airplane, to travel from rural Illinois to sit at Lucy’s bedside. The women have been estranged for years, but because of the illness they revert to the roles that defined Lucy’s childhood, the mother watchful
“At the end of life, our questions are very simple: Did I live fully? Did I love well?” ~Jack Kornfield
We all grow up with some healthy stories about love and some unhealthy ones. I learned some beautiful, life-giving ideas about love, ideas like these:
- Loving people means believing in their potential.
- Love means treating people with kindness and gentleness.
- Loving the people in your life means celebrating their successes and cheering them on.
But I also grew up with some stories about love that I came to see weren’t so helpful. Those ideas about love bred problems in my relationships.
One of those stories was: Loving someone means always being available to them. (Turns out, it’s not true, and living as if it is breeds resentment.)
Another was: Loving someone means always having space for what they want to talk to you about. (Turns out, not true either!)
Another myth about love: If you love someone, you do what they are asking you to do, out of love, even if it feels difficult. (I can tell you, that doesn’t work so well.)
I’ve developed my own guidelines for
Dance is more than just a sport, it’s a passion. Dance is something you work hard for, something you put all of your spare time and effort into. Dance is a sport that you never want to give up on. When the day of your dance competition arrives, you put everything you have learned about dancing over the years, and show it all to the hundreds of people watching you. No matter how exhausted you are on that dance floor, you may not give up. You need to dance until the very end, until you are the best dancer you can possibly be. In order to be the best dance you can be, you need to practice during your spare time at home. The only way to get first in a dance competition is to practice all the time, make sure your dance costume looks exactly like the rest of your teams, and perform like you’ve never performed before.
The most exciting part of dance is the competitions, where you perform your dance in front of hundreds of people. Before you’re able to perform, you need to make sure your hair, makeup, and costume looks perfect. Once your dance costume is
In the hierarchy of relationships, friendships are at the bottom. Romantic partners, parents, children—all these come first.
This is true in life, and in science, where relationship research tends to focus on couples and families. When Emily Langan, an associate professor of communication at Wheaton College goes to conferences for the International Association of Relationship Researchers, she says, “friendship is the smallest cluster there. Sometimes it’s a panel, if that.”
Friendships are unique relationships because unlike family relationships, we choose to enter into them. And unlike other voluntary bonds, like marriages and romantic relationships, they lack a formal structure. You wouldn’t go months without speaking to or seeing your significant other (hopefully), but you might go that long without contacting a friend.
Still, survey upon survey upon survey shows how important people’s friends are to their happiness. And though friendships tend to change as people age, there is some consistency in what people want from them.
“I’ve listened to someone as young as 14 and someone as old as 100 talk about their close friends, and [there are] three expectations of a close friend that I hear people describing and valuing across the entire life course,” says William Rawlins, the Stocker Professor of Interpersonal
What are the secrets to a happy and successful relationship? Read this relationship article to know what keeps a relationship going and how to be in a happy relationship with your partner….
Relationships like marriage, romance, live together or any of similar kinds can be sustained with a happy note if some of the secret rules are followed. Relationship is completely subjective and no clear cut rules can be executed on it, yet following certain guidelines may help proceeding happily in a relationship.
Many of these, so called, rules are based on the life experience of many happy couple and also the observation of people. When two people get into relationships, many of them wish for lasting relationships. But pathetically, a good number of them go apart after a while, in search of new partners. Let us see the secrets that constitute long lasting relationships or ever remaining relationships.
Breakup and Divorce are not the Solution
When asked about the best possible way of resolving the issues in relationships or marriage, many people may comment that breakup or a divorce is the best possible method of putting an end to all the troubles in a relationships. It is the biggest mistake people commit.
Some people are lucky enough to know exactly what they want to do in life and love the career path they’ve followed. Others, however, don’t know where their true passions lie, or pursue their dream career only to find out later on that they hate it. Doing what you love and loving what you do is important for long-term career satisfaction and success, but how exactly do you follow your heart and find a job or start a business that you truly enjoy? Here are 13 tips for doing what you love for a living.
Do some soul searching
Steve Zeitchik, founder and CEO of Focal Point Strategies, said that to do something you love, you have to first spend time thinking deeply about things that bring you enjoyment.
“Take a step back and figure out what it is that you enjoy doing,” including as many specifics and details as possible,” Zeitchik said. “Don’t categorize it into a specific career or industry.”
Only after you come up with the list of things that bring you joy should you think about the careers that each might fit.
Make time to make it happen
Once you’ve determined
The idea of quality of life is very twentieth-century. It sparks associations with ideas like statistical quality control and total quality management. It is the idea that entire human lives can be objectively modeled, measured and compared in meaningful ways. That lives can be idealized and normalized in ways that allow us to go beyond comparisons to absolute measures. That lives can be provisioned from cradle-to-grave. That an insistence on a unique, subjective evaluation of one’s own life is something of a individualist-literary conceit.
I suspect the phrase itself is a generalization of the older notion of modern conveniences, a phrase you frequently find in early twentieth-century writing. It referred to the diffusion of various technologies into everyday pre-industrial life, from running hot and cold water in bathrooms and garbage collection to anesthetics and vaccines.
That conception of the quality of life, as the sum total of material conveniences acquired and brutalities of nature thwarted through technology, seems naive today. But with hindsight, it was much better than what it evolved into: baroque United Nations statistics that reflect institutionally enabled and enforced scripts, which dictate what people ought to want.
In 2013, the concept of quality of life is effectively drowning in the banality of self-reported statistical surveys based on
In 1967, John Lennon wrote a song called, “All You Need is Love.” He also beat both of his wives, abandoned one of his children, verbally abused his gay Jewish manager with homophobic and anti-semitic slurs, and once had a camera crew film him lying naked in his bed for an entire day.
Thirty-five years later, Trent Reznor from Nine Inch Nails wrote a song called “Love is Not Enough.” Reznor, despite being famous for his shocking stage performances and his grotesque and disturbing videos, got clean from all drugs and alcohol, married one woman, had two children with her, and then cancelled entire albums and tours so that he could stay home and be a good husband and father.
One of these two men had a clear and realistic understanding of love. One of them did not. One of these men idealized love as the solution to all of his problems. One of them did not. One of these men was probably a narcissistic asshole. One of them was not.
In our culture, many of us idealize love. We see it as some lofty cure-all for all of life’s
While many instantly life-changing experiences – such as meeting the love of your life or winning the lottery – may seem like a symptom of fate and not something we can control, there are many things you can do in a day to help change the course of your life forever. Make this the day you grab the life you want with these 10 life-changing tips.
Discover your passion
Fed up of drifting through your days with a lack of purpose and sense of fulfillment? Jazz up your routine by taking some time to consider what it is that would make you feel happy and fulfilled. What makes you want to get out of bed in the morning? What makes you feel really alive? Think about the activities that have made you feel this way – even if you have to reflect back to things you haven’t done since you were child – and make a plan to incorporate these into your life.
Take a first step
As stated by the Lao Tzu, a journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step. No matter how overwhelming your ambitions may